Category Archives for "Coaching"

Coaching for transformational changes

What is the True Voice of a Soulful Business?

What is the true voice of a soulful business?

What is a soulful business?

What makes a voice true?

And....

How do they come together to create a soulful expression that feels purposeful and that you feel passionate about?

Girl with butterflies in her hands - transformational coaching

Running your own business is freeing, fulfilling and bloody hard work but it’s worth every moment. It’s part of your expression and evolves as you evolve. It reflects your values and is the propeller of purpose.

But - this is only the case if it feels authentic to you, because;

your true voice = your authentic self = your soul!

What is a soulful business then? It's a business that not only fills you with joy and defines your purpose, it also attracts the right clients to you because they feel the truth and power of that energy and they trust your true voice and resonate with it!

If you feel like you're struggling uphill with a yoke around your neck pulling a cart full of dead wood, it may mean that you're missing that soulful element - I empathise, it's what made me so close to giving it all up...

I felt a great excitement when I decided to start my own business.

I was working a 40 hour week job as a HR consultant and director of a business development and support company at that time. That job taught me loads and gave me the experience and confidence I needed to do what I do today, but I did feel like a fish out of water and quite unfulfilled. 

I wanted to use my creativity and contribute in a way that meant something to me and really served others. I needed purpose and my soul was pounding at the walls of my heart to get me to listen.

Sharon Wright

A creative dream...

I’ve always been creative. The first time I sat at a piano I was 6 years old and I already knew how to plonk out a melody. I loved to sing too and by the age of 20 I was teaching others and soon began to write songs, poems and tour with bands. 

When I began my business, I wrote blogs and enjoyed the design and content creation. I was in my element with all of the creative tasks I had. But when it came to knowing what I was really offering, who I was supporting and what purpose my business had, I was lost - I did everything the wrong way around.

 

And that’s when things got difficult, over complicated, overwhelming and messy.
a mule under the yoke depicting the struggling in life

As well as juggling a full time job with building my own website, setting myself up on social media platforms and training to be a transformational coach, which was my chosen online business, I was raising two teenage daughters and had the responsibility of being the breadwinner due to my husband having been made redundant - Now that’s what I call my yoke! 

But, the reason I called it a yoke is because I couldn’t see the purpose. I couldn’t see the symphony behind the chaos. I had blocked out my connection to soul because I was trying to create things on my terms and for my own gratification.

Soul doesn't work like that...
Sacred Female

You have to listen to connect with soul. You have to be still to hear, still to connect and still to receive. 

I wasn’t allowing any space for that. I was time bound and chained. Everything was about getting things done and being driven to finish some imaginary goal line which would be this successful business and me being able to break free of that yoke.

Where was the purpose?

What I learned

It’s no mystery to me why things weren’t working out the way I’d planned, because behind that plan was a Dr. Evil and mini-me sitting in my head creating intricate strategies for self-entertainment and fulfillment.   

My passion for coaching and the whole reason that I wanted the business in the first place (remember that interaction and wanting to serve others?) had faded and been replaced with a race to a 6 figure finish line and escaping a 9-5. I wasn’t even really motivated by money! Had I sold my soul to some diabolic craving for success? 

I knew I had to reconnect and start again. The choice was there - that simple choice red pill - blue pill...

I chose to be real - I chose to wake up - I chose to reconnect to me.

 

What is a soulful business?  Well it's the business that is another soulful expression of your life. 

I now help other women to come back to their true selves so that they can claim their soulful business and feel passionate about it

A final note. Escaping is never a good plan. There are too many guards, the fence is often difficult to clamber over and the other side is fraught with problems - you’ll still be in hiding and be on the run for your whole life. If you find yourself in a situation that feels inhibitive, stop - go within - reconnect to you - await the voice of your own soul and make love with every movement and every expression. That is the true voice that will always, always be the  successful alchemy of your reality - that is where abundance lies.

a metal fence keeping you from freedom

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ariel view of market place by Pexels from Pixabay

Living From Your Own Business in 5 Easy Steps

Living from your own business would be a dream come true! 

Not only would it be a fulfilling and enriching experience that creates purpose in your own life, it would give you the freedom to express your creativity into something that contributes to society

But, you also need to live from it… 

The transition into actually earning a living from your own business can be overwhelming, time consuming, scary and risky. 

Here we look at 5 steps that can help you to approach this change positively and confidently so that you can meet the challenge, hit the ground running and perpetuate a continual flow moving forward.
black puppy

Step 1 - Absolute Faith

Self-doubt is the seed of failure

Living from your own business allows you to be free to do what you're passionate about and to manage your time and your space your way - 

However - 

Does it feel risky to leave the safety of a full time job?

Confidence and absolute faith are difficult to summon when you are beginning something new. We all lack confidence the first time we put skis on or sit on a horse and it takes time to master your fear, but worrying  about success or failure, is the worst way you can begin your venture. 

A good way to address self-doubt is to be observant and self-aware without being critical or judgmental of yourself. It’s normal to lack confidence but doubting yourself is giving your power away rather than claiming who you are and what you can contribute.

Be aware of the expectations and conditions you have and focus your attention and energy into moving forward without attachment to them. Embrace the possibility of success and realise that failure is non existent because you can always just get up, dust yourself down and go again. 

Should I give up my job to start my own business?
woman walking towards crossroads - choice


We live in uncertain times. Redundancy is becoming more widespread, people are changing jobs more frequently. It feels a bit wobbly underneath our feet right now but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Is any job really safe right now?

A warm fire on a cold night is hard to walk away from, but eventually you need to get up and do something. You don’t evolve from comfort, rather you evolve from adapting to new environments, to navigating new challenges and learning from new relationships.  

Losing a job can always open the door of opportunity and be a catalyst for change and allow you to focus all of your energy on your business. 

However, if you aren’t in that position, the decision to leave your 9-5 job and go full time with your own business is a very personal one. 

Can I afford it?

You may be feeling exhausted and unfulfilled in your 9-5 job and eager to do something new, but starting a business with a yoke of financial burden and responsibility is stressful so make sure you have the financial stability to be able to leave your job. A business requires all your focus and energy and can take some time to blossom so you’ll need to go into it with a healthy mindset and a relaxed body. 

A budget planner can be useful. You can use it to be clear on your monthly outgoings and how much you need to sell each month to survive. You may prefer to stay in your job while you start your business or look for part-time work until you feel more secure.

Step 2 - Question Time

a curious orangutang

What is your big idea and why do you want to do it?

You want to be living from your own business so you need to be clear on what you want to do and why... 

You probably already have a business idea and it may be determined by the skills and experience you have acquired. Whether you’re selling a product or service, there is a reason why it’s that particular product and service and an energetic investment or alignment to it. 

Knowing why you want to do what you do is a great exercise and I recommend that you meditate and really observe what comes up for you. Looking at how your business contributes to society can help you to see the bigger purpose and how your core values and strengths support that purpose. This gives you energy and confidence and gets you rolling!

What passions, skills and experience do you have in life and how might they come together in your business offer?

Your skills and experience are going to define what you do, how you do it and why you offer what you do.

Your passion is what lights you up, what you’re interested in and enjoy doing and this is also a very important consideration in the above question. 

You may decide to combine your skills in a way that offers something unique and also provides valuable strategies and services for your clients. For example;  

I’m passionate about people, self-development, singing, writing and holistic wellness. I studied naturopathy, music, transformational coaching and have been a vocal coach for over 25 years. I am a free-lance copywriter, and I’ve worked as a HR manager and consultant, as well as director of a business consultancy and back office support company.  

How does this all come together?

My skills, experience and passions are combined in a unique way to support women to discover their authentic voice and how it is expressed in their business to develop presentation skills and strategic content creation that is creative and compelling. 

What skills have you acquired, what jobs have you done and what are you naturally good at that can be combined into your unique offer, add value and help you to feel passionate about your business? That’s what will position you as the expert in your particular business niche.

Step 3 - A Reality Check

virtual reality

You may feel a bit more confident about what your business will look like, the value that you offer your clients and the skills, strengths, values and experience that you can bring, but is it something that people need? Will they want to part with their money to work with you?

Living from your own business means attracting clients who want to work with you. There’s no business without clients! 

Research is a great way to find out if you’re on the right track. You can find out how many people are Googling the product or the service that you’re offering by checking out the trends (Google Trend is a good first step in this direction). If it’s a popular market place such as accounting and bookkeeping, it’s obviously something that people will always need, but it may be a harder job to stand out in the crowd (we’ll get to that part in the next step) If it is genealogy you’re into, it may be a smaller marketplace but easier to get noticed.

  • Be clear on which market you serve (finance, convenience living, wellness, business support, relationships etc.
  • Then define your niche within that market place (relationship counselling for recently divorced single mothers for example)
  • Then define your unique angle within that niche (hormone balancing bespoke organic and biodynamic essential oils for premenopausal women)
one yellow tulip - stand out in the crowd

Your business model will also be a factor to consider.

It's harder to get noticed online so you need to be very specific with your messaging in order to stand out from the crowd.

Ask people for help!

It’s important to understand what problem you are solving for people.

Write a post on your favourite social media platform and ask people who may be interested in your particular product or service if they would be open to a 15 minute chat with you. Then you can craft some questions that will help you to be clear on what their issues are and what solutions they are looking for. This will help you to define how your particular programme or product may solve that issue or support them going forward and give you valuable insight into what your client needs.

Step 4 - Know your client

Now that you're clearer on who your ideal client is and what they struggle with, it’s time to define your ideal client in a way that will really help you to nurture a relationship with them so that you can offer a valuable solution and make that all important sale! 

So, who is your ideal client?

I may seem a bit of a silly exercise, but I can assure you that being specific is the best way to create a foundation from which all of your content will be based on. 

Many business coaches talk about creating an avatar, however, when I think of that word I remember creating an avatar on my Wii game and although it was very amusing, I tend to think of avatars as not being real.

Your client is real.

Imagine the life of a real person and create this person as though they really exist (because they do)

  • Give them a name and address to make them real for you.
  • Remember that your client must be willing and able to work with you so what is their financial position and where do they work?
  • If you’re in the relationship market, their marital status and levels of intimacy may be important.

I’m not going to list everything that makes up a person's life, but pay attention to detail and think about geographics, demographics, psychographics and any graphics that may be relevant in your line of business i.e. if you’re in IT, technographics may be important.

This person will not be the only type of client your business exists for, but it helps you to know how to communicate your products and services to one person. The ideal client is the bulls-eye on a target, but as long as your arrow hits the board, you’re in business!

Finally Step 5 - Expression & Attention

hobby - art waiting to happen - it needs you!

How well you communicate to the person described in the last step will be the difference between making a living from your own business and just having a hobby. 

As I mentioned before, to stand out online you need index interruptus - (made up from the latin equivalent of stop scrolling!

You won’t obtain index interruptus if you market yourself as a life coach. Nobody really knows what a life coach can help them with and the words that coaches use, such as imposter syndrome and limiting beliefs, generally tend to confuse and turn potential clients off.

If you are a coach with a background in finance, you may call yourself a wealth coach and decide to help start-ups to increase their profit margin. That is more defined, but who is the customer, what language does he or she use and how can you get in front of them? This is why the research step is so valuable. Your background in finance was filled with jargon, but your client may just want to hear how he or she can afford a new member of staff.

If your business is selling pretty hand-designed silk scarves, you may consider that to be an easy sell, but if I look on Google for silk scarves, I may not find you. 

As a 50+ woman who is a little insecure about my neck line getting a bit wrinkly, I may find you if you've written a blog about the insecurities that 50+ women have and how we need to embrace and love our bodies in all stages of life. Of course, you have a call to action in that blog which gives the answer to a woman’s neckline concerns - how to look beautiful and elegant as well as enjoying the silky sensation of a unique hand painted scarf!

Be the Heart-Full Voice of Your Business

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live concert

Don’t Throw The Voice To The Lions!

Roman Amphitheatre

I shall never forget my audition for 'The Voice.' That awful moment when the judges asked me to step forward from a line of 10 professional singers and sing my chosen song. I can only liken it to facing lions in a Roman circus,  and believe me, I’m no gladiator nor am I a martyr!

I cannot tell a tale of courage and triumph. Just one of the shaky knees, hands, voice and eventually hyperventilation and a completely blank mind, that resulted in frustration and  shame.

The lions would win after all!

This is a picture of my Daughter Clara singing at college (BIMM)who did get through to the knock-out round of The Voice - I will always be in awe of her courage!

Clara Hurtado

You'll be pleased to know that I escaped with my life but not with my dignity. The thing is, I already knew I could sing well, so what on earth allowed so much self-doubt to enter my body and literally asphyxiate me?

This event happened about 12 years ago when I decided to be brave and audition for a place on The Voice (back then on the BBC).

Wondering why I put myself through it has been quite a journey in itself.  I was a bit in awe of the people who do get on these shows - their courage and talent is amazing. This blog is not criticising the show or the contestants, but....

What led me to do it?

Was it a need to test myself, to get validation and recognition or was it a long standing dream that I would sing on a big stage in front of millions of people and be adored?  I think perhaps it may have been a bit of all of the above. Humiliation never crossed my mind when I was filling out the form to apply.

The competition spurred by this type of TV talent show such as The Voice or the X-Factor may be fun, but can they actually harm our psyche with regards to the relationship we have with our own voices, and with ourselves?

It's great to listen to talented singers, just as it is great to watch an experienced carpenter or be taught by a dedicated teacher. Learned skills and natural talents can inspire us, but we tend to compare, and that is not healthy.
Anyone can learn to sing just like anyone can learn to play tennis, but not everyone will go to Wimbledon. We can still enjoy the game without comparing. Your own voice is expressed in a unique way that cannot ever be measured against another because your voice is more than a skill, it is the expression of who you are and the first step to loving that expression is to stop comparing it! 

Back to my story..

After queuing, sitting, fiddling, listening, observing and going over my lyrics a 1000 times, my name, along with about 10 other people, was called out. We all inched our way along a corridor while exchanging nervous pleasantries from beneath a rather primeval 'sizing up' of our opponents. A bit like polite gladiators. 

We all entered the arena together. The lions were released and each one of us stepped forward in turn to win the day....
The voice from your soul

I look back at this memory with a smile. It is a story of courage, humility and vulnerability. I learned a valuable lesson about my own self-acceptance and got a clear look into the dark eyes of my own fear of rejection. 

I cannot say whether I would be any different in the same situation today. Sometimes my mind throws scenarios at me where I step forward and sing clearly with my whole body and soul. In this dream, the lions cower and the crowd cheer and throw up their arms (and thumbs) littering the arena with flowers.

However, these dreams  don’t define my sense of worth anymore. They are dreams pertaining to a past of constant comparison, of feeling less, not good enough and of seeking approval, acceptance and love from others because I could not feel it within myself.

The voice cannot be compared or judged because each voice is as unique and beautiful as you are.  My voice expresses who I am. It supports other people to find the love within themselves and it is the expression of my purpose in this life. No TV show can understand that richness. It just judges a superficial image of your voice, rather like a photo of your external physique.

What relationship do you have with your voice? Are you perhaps judging it or comparing it?


We carry our values, our creativity, our essence and our purpose in our voices. If we doubt it, so will others. Our voice is a part of us, but it carries the same vibration as the rest of the parts that make up our whole expression. Falling in love with your voice will get everyone else falling in love with it.

I work with small business owners who often underestimate the power that their own true voice (physically and metaphorically) can have on the growth of their business.  Your expression attracts the clients or customers that want to work with you and buy from you because people buy from people. It just blows the whole idea of competition into the water! 

You're expression is your truth, the vibration that attracts and connects.

So never believe that you have to queue up for an audition and perform amazing vocal runs with your voice. In the same way, you needn't feel that you have to have a hundred certificates on your wall to make you worthy because you are you - a unique star that shines brightly when you focus on being yourself in your entirety, in your fullness and beautiful your power. Your voice will express all of that if you allow it to.

The voice you have is the voice of your expression - take it into the world and live your purpose fully!

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two hands holding the sunset

Managing Anxiety When You Have to Say No

Sometimes saying no can be our biggest challenge - how do you manage anxiety?

An anxious woman

Photo by Gary Ross from Pixabay

We all get anxious at times, specially when we feel uncomfortable, out of our depth or uncertain of our ability to deal with a particular challenge, but when it becomes so huge that it causes a complete meltdown, it’s usually too late to do much about it other than survive the consequences that affect both your physical and mental health. Managing anxiety when you have to say no is not so much about finding a way to stop anxiety but rather a way of being prepared to face the inevitable discomfort that saying no can cause.

Conflict aversion

Do you really have trouble saying no or even telling someone the truth when you know that it will cause a defensive reaction?

Avoidance, escape, procrastination, ignoring the situation, and down playing your own feelings and ability are just some of the ways to get out of having to deal with conflict, but why do we fear it so much?

Let’s imagine you have a boss who asks you to work an hour later everyday. You agreed and were fine about that, but after three weeks of the same, you’re tired of getting home too late - you never have time to go to the gym. But she scares you and the organization's culture is somewhat competitive. How do you communicate this to her - would managing your anxiety in this scenario seem impossible?

As this is a work example I will add another to make it more general. You have a neighbour who you have a great relationship with but she has asked you to look after her dog while she’s on holiday.You’re not unkind, you normally love to help out, but this is the third time that you’ve looked after her dog. It’s a dog that's rather hard to control and he pulls, is rather aggressive with other dogs and you just don’t feel a bond with him that would otherwise make this a pleasure rather than a chore. 

How can you manage anxiety when you have to say no?

An opportunity for growth

These two typical examples may be different to your experience, no doubt you can relate and  sense the level of anxiety that would ensue. You may have already created a perfect escape plan with a whole backstory in your head that will mean maintaining your favour with the person. But at what cost?  

Every example such as those above make wonderful opportunities to grow as a person and to end the dark reign that anxiety imposes on your life once and for all.

Once you stand up to the dragon of anxiety, you will get a little braver each time and soon people will respect that imposing, controlling, manipulative or bullying behaviour just won’t work with you. Your relationships with others will improve.

Taking action is your choice

If this sounds like another ideal to add to the archived list that already awaits your attention, you’re not alone and that’s absolutely normal. It’s unrealistic to believe that you can suddenly start saying no assertively without feeling guilt, uncertainty, self-doubt or even panic. You identify yourself with someone who is willing to say yes, a positive, helpful and kind person and saying no feels pretty alien. So the first step is to appreciate your willingness to say yes. You are a positive person with a kind heart who will often go the extra mile. The next step is to let go of the attachment to being that kind of person. Accept yourself for a person who can say no too.

Saying yes when you feel like saying no is inauthentic, anti-evolutionary and it’s giving away your power but worse, it makes you feel bad about yourself and that keeps the game alive.

By being courageous and expressing yourself as an equal, you claim yourself and this is an empowering choice that begins with you, and, like all change you wish to see in your life, if you don’t take the steps to do it, it just ain’t gonna happen.

Tenderly Is How

Managing anxiety when you have to say no is easier when you add the tender touch. Any action you take, make it tender towards yourself.

Anxiety protects you, it makes you cautious and that can save your life, but it becomes dangerous to your health if it’s something that occurs often and results in a constant state of stress. There are a plethora of negative consequences of stress that affect your mental and physical well-being, so tenderness is the first step towards a more self-loving approach that will offset or balance this.

Here are some ways to manage anxiety when you have to say no:

  • Increasing your self-awareness through meditation is a great strategy to reconnect to a space within you that feels more harmonious and able to deal with the challenges that life presents.  The more you connect to that space the more trust you will have in your ability to manage anxiety. There are so many distractions in life and so much to take care of that mental energy is often a lot louder and more imposing than it should be. Harmony is a vital foundation of managing anxiety. 
  • Colour code your emotional state. Once you’ve become a little more self-aware of how your body communicates, you can begin to identify your emotional states by colour coding them. For example:

    BLUE - no anxiety at all (total relaxation) 

    GREEN -  slight agitation

    YELLOW - mental overload or mind gremlins sabotaging your self-esteem

    ORANGE - feeling really anxious along with the tell tale physical symptoms such as butterflies, nausea, sweaty palms, palpitations etc. 

    RED - total meltdown -  Going blank, crying, storming out of a meeting or hitting someone! 

    The colours are examples and you may feel that other colours would better depict these emotions. The emotions and consequences themselves are also very personal, but for everybody, the closer you are to blue, obviously the better. If you feel you are in yellow, you can make a conscious effort to take time out, breathe, come back to your body and assess what is happening, you are much more likely to be able to say no in a calm and assertive manner which will probably not cause the reaction you imagined, but, if it does, you´re more likely to be able to handle that reaction and respond to it in a serene and dignified way.  


  • I would like to add the importance of tenderness towards yourself. To not beat yourself up when you feel that you can’t say no. To not feel useless because you have to do something that you didn’t want to do. Just recognise what’s happened and what you are choosing this time around. You will get another opportunity and you will be that little more aware the next time.  Appreciate your efforts, dust yourself down and shake it off. Say whoops and carry on.


  • Appreciation and self-love. This step is similar to the previous one, but more related to when you do say no. It’s likely to be an anxious moment and anxiety feels horrible so all of your senses are saying turn away, escape to safety! but safety only promises temporary respite. 



All encompassing self-love - The antidote to anxiety

self-love versus anxiety

It's inspiring to see how many courageous women now stand up to bullies. The Jeffrey Epstein and Harvey Weinsteins of this world have had their day thanks to that courage. Your situation may seem small in comparison or it may be of the same ilk, it doesn’t matter because it comes from the same energy source. Whether it’s not being able to say no to your daughter leaving her dirty washing for you to collect every day or saying no to the advances of somebody you have absolutely no interest in, it causes anxiety and anxiety feels the same in everyone’s body.  


How you react to that anxiety and how long it sticks around is what changes.

So, every time you do say no appreciate and celebrate that decision. Don’t worry about whether it was the right thing to say (feeling right or wrong is another blog!!) You did it, you were brave and you put your own needs first. That’s the beginning of honouring yourself more and it leads to self-love.  Self-love is an antidote to anxiety and the more you focus your attention there, the more it expands.  The wonderful thing about love is that it doesn’t care who it’s directed at, or who its focus is, it just expands and encompasses everything around you the more you experience it.  

If you feel like a victim and there is a perpetrator, it's so much harder to manage anxiety when you have to say no, but when you are self-loving you don’t feel like a victim, you become empowered and the perpetrator isn’t seen as the enemy, rather you find yourself being able to step back and see the bigger picture, separating the person from their behaviour.  I bet you can deal with behaviour better than you can deal with a person - it already feels less scary!

You're not alone

Feeling confident and heard

If you are having trouble saying no and the consequences are causing you a lot of stress, please don't suffer in silence. I'm easily contactable (go to contact me at the top of this page) There is also an online course called From Anxiety to Harmony, if anxiety is causing much disharmony in your life.

However, I hope this blog was useful to begin a conscious way to manage anxiety when you have to say no. If you struggle to say no, you can download a free e-guide that comes with audio exercises that help you to reconnect more to your body and become  aware of how to manage your anxiety using your own voice. It’s called Be Brave, Be Heard & Shine Bright - please click below and I'll send you your free copy.

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Sign up to get your free eGuide & somatic voice exercises, Be Brave, Be Heard & Shine Bright!

solidarity during crisis - Gorgeous Hearts Wellness coaching

Coronavirus Wellness Coaching Support

The Covid 19 virus is threatening to change our lifestyles dramatically, at least for the next few months, it's important to focus on what we can do to support ourselves and others rather than falling prey to the far more dangerous virus, anxiety.  Coronavirus wellness coaching support is aimed at all those who are feeling overwhelmed at this time.

Coronavirus - Wellness Coaching Support

Crazy how such a tiny little invader can bring us all to the brink of insanity! This blog, however, is not focusing on information regarding the virus nor the behaviours or ideology around it - there are enough of those.  As a wellness coach I felt like sharing ways that we can support ourselves and others during this time without totally glossing over what is here to expose a way of living that is not in helping us to feel harmony.

Coronavirus wellness coaching support that reduces anxiety 

My daughters are in their 20's so I get their perspective.  They don't fear the virus for themselves because it is unlikely to affect them physically.  What they are concerned about is the financial impact of having to be off work for a couple of weeks, even if they have, or live with someone, who just has a mild cough. Statutory sick pay doesn't cover their rent let alone their bills and food.  Financial worries are probably affecting the majority right now.  Added to this is the fear of passing the virus onto the mothers, fathers and grandparents of their friends who may be more vulnerable. Businesses are anxious about how they will stay afloat as their cash flows dwindle. It's not my case, but I can really empathise with those who are worried about being exposed to the virus due to their age or health issues that could complicate matters. Yes there are many reasons right now to be anxious - however...... 

Anxiety causes more illness than the virus itself and the media is certainly giving us our daily dose to stoke that fire.  What this exposes right now is that anxiety has become a constant in our lives. It seems like humanity always has a reason to fear something. Fear is causing more havoc, separation and self-interest and it is destroying reason. 

Can we just put the breaks on fear for a moment? All it takes is a choice.  Fear is energy - we can align or choose not to align. Simple - not so easy I understand - I'm talking to myself here as much as I am sharing. It can however, be easier when we add a very special ingredient - love.

So, what's my take?

  • First and foremost you know the answer to this within you, so trust that you've got this.  You have plenty of experience of worrying and being fearful - when did it ever change anything? I don't condone burying feelings or emotions either - all this is happening for a reason so observe rather than absorb. When you focus on worry, it becomes the air you breathe, your expression and your actions and consequences. Be curious about what is happening and take responsibility for your feelings and let's collectively put a stop to the spread of the virus of anxiety.
  • Use this time wisely to prepare your body and to take care of it.  You may be young and healthy and not at risk, but true wellness does not need a coffee in the morning to help it to function, it does not feel exhausted at the end of the day nor anxious and reactive to the smallest problem or sign of discomfort. True wellness is feeling vitality and joy. It is having  the energy to take care of yourself and others. A healthy diet and getting quality sleep are important steps to maintain harmony amidst the chaos.  
  •  Appreciate yourself and focus on your strengths.This means connecting deeply to the tenderness and care that is within you rather than focusing on what's going on outside.  Granted you need to keep abreast of what's going on in the world around you, but scrolling down news feeds can be addictive and depressing. Be honest about the percentage of time that you are focusing on sensationalist information and honour the time you need to be still.  Spend some time instead contacting other people online and having conversations that are supportive and uplifting. Listen to each other and share the love.  Love is a vaccine for the anxiety virus.
  • Get some support if you feel overwhelmed. It's not a sin to feel fear or anxiety - it is a very natural reaction, but learning to respond from your wisdom is going to help immensely. I am offering very affordable coaching right now because I truly want to support others. I offer free coaching to those who have financial problems so there is no excuse to feel alone. See at the bottom of this page for more information.

Coronavirus wellness coaching support for who?

Life can sometimes get very heavy, for us as individuals, or as a collective.  Human beings always need interaction with each other, support, to be able to share, to love and to care, but when dark times are upon us, it is a necessity that is as vital as the food we eat.  Just to have somebody who will listen to you without interruptions, judgement, or projections can be the most clarifying and uplifting experience that gives you your purpose back. So, to the question 'Who needs coaching?' I would answer, everybody! 

Are you feeling a bit like Harry the alpaca? Harry knows he needs a haircut but he's not sure if that's a good idea at the moment because what's out there is a bit too much to deal with right now.  Trouble is he keeps bumping into the same wall while the stable door is wide open.   Don't be a Harry! Face the storm and let the wind blow the fringe right out of your eyes.  We will all evolve together if we just choose to stop aligning to the fear and anxiety that is controlling us. 

Life coaching for clear vision

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Don't be alone, overwhelmed and steeped in fear or anxiety. I'm here to help and I'm offering affordable or in some cases free coaching to support as many people as I can at this time. I am an experienced and qualified wellness coach and together we can invite vitality and joy back into your life.

Comfortable goals don't work

Comfortable Goals

Comfortable goals are boring!

Just like comfort eating, we can easily pick up the habit of comfort goaling!

Comfortable goals don't work

If you have ever woken up one late morning on January the 1st with a desire to set yourself a goal, you probably already know that after an initial spout of energy, there is a slow fizzling out period rather like the Alka Selzer sitting on your bedside table! Goals can be uncomfortable to carry through, especially if the purpose of that goal doesn't set you on fire!  A goal needs to be exciting, but it also needs to challenge you. Setting comfortable goals doesn't incite transformation...... 

Examples of comfortable goals

  • I'm going to lose weight, but I'll take my time
  • I will work on my time management tomorrow
  •  I am going to change my job this year as I'm not liking the extra responsibility and my work colleagues are driving me up the wall!
  • My goal is to meet more people - I'll start on-line

You get the drift - you want your cake and you want to eat it. Normal right? 

Of course! and you don't have to be hard on yourself and be uncomfortable to be successful. The reason all of those goals listed above are 'comfortable' is because they are avoiding commitment. Commitment needs motivation and motivation is only real if there is a clear purpose behind it that comes from an alignment to what makes us passionate and energetic.  If goals are just moving away from what isn't working, they can lack pzazz! It's important to zoom out and see the bigger picture...

The insidious 'comfort' in comfortable goals

Being comfortable often translates to not moving. Just conger up an image of comfort and you may find yourself in your slippers and watching a nice movie on the T.V or soaking in a hot bath, but when it comes to self-realization or evolving in any area of our lives, comfort just keeps you in the same patterns and does not lead to growth or expansion. If everything was comfortable, it would make life rather monotonous and dull, and that's because it is the discomfort that makes us aware and honest with regards to how we are expressing, living, working or parenting for example. Comfort keeps on saying "stick with what you know and you'll be safe."

Moving out of the comfort zone and creating the goal

Firstly let's look at moving out of your comfort zone. It's a hot day, do you jump into the swimming pool because you are too hot and the discomfort of the heat is enough to motivate the plunge into cool water, even though you know that the cold will be uncomfortable for a short period of time, or, are you just loving the idea of swimming in that blue water that looks so enticing? This is the intention that you can focus on, the reason for the goal in the first place.

Secondly observe honestly how this particular goal makes you feel.  Meh or hell yeah!

Thirdly make sure that the goal is exact - focused and clear.  I'm going to be more self-caring this year is a bit bland and general. It's better to say I'm going to stick to a) a healthier diet b) an exercise routine on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and c) I'm going to set a time of 10 pm to go to bed in the week.

Fourthly check in with your body and sense how it feels about what you are intending. Do you feel positive that this is achievable and something that can be mastered in the next 3-6 months? Do you feel anxiety and if so, where do you feel it and what is the intensity? You can then anticipate some strategies that will reduce any anxiety that will help you to be more successful.

Lastly zoom out and see the bigger picture. How does this fit in with your sense of purpose? What values are dear to you and how do they relate? How does this goal contribute to other people in your life and society as a whole - this can also give a sense of purpose that is not just individually motivated which helps you to stay on track.

Comfortable goals or exciting purpose?

Life is never really comfortable.  If you don't move, life moves you.  Everything is in motion and we can either be in harmony with the flow or move against its rhythm with all of the discomfort that this will eventually entail.  

A great way to think of a goal is to ask yourself 'What's next?' Instead of imagining goals as lineal journeys of self-development from  A to B i.e. go to the moon, plant your flag and say "I'm here," think of them as a way of continually evolving and accepting of the next challenge. Goals can constantly unfold if we are willing to observe what the next step may be and claim the opportunities that present themselves. 

Purpose can be elusive or really exciting especially when it transcends our individual needs and encompasses the wellbeing of others. Taking responsibility, committing to your life and expressing the best version of you has a positive impact on you and all those around you - we are all connected.

Instead of comfortable goals think of dynamic, evolutionary and life-changing goals that form part of your purpose to contribute to all. If you are healthier you are more joyful, if you are organised you help others navigate around you, if you are confident, you will inspire others for example.

Want to achieve your goals with confidence?

click below to get a free guide to setting goals that will help you to identify your goal, organise a strategy with this great tool and carry it through. 

1 emotional harmony gorgeous hearts

Navigating Your Way to Emotional Harmony

Are some of your relationships driving you up the wall?  Do you get confused with the array of choices and imposing voices? Do emotions get too much when the people in your life know exactly which buttons to press in order to trigger a reaction?  Read on to discover how you can learn to respond and not react.......

Pick up the oars from the water and start navigating your way to emotional harmony!

Navigating your way to emotional harmony looks at the art of  expressing in a balanced way with no particular emotion taking the lead and playing its own solo! Simply it is the art of no reaction and expressing as one whole rather than different ego states taking over for different circumstances. These ego states are highlighted in the theory of Transactional Analysis (T.A ) founded by Eric Berne, a popular therapy since the 1960's.  It exposes the addictions we have to  emotional disharmony that play out as dramas in our relationships and the games we play to get our fix! The consequences of addictions to emotional reactions plays heavy on our physical and mental health .  Even though you may not be familiar with this theory, you might well recognise how it manifests in your own life. I certainly had a few aha moments when I studied this, however,  this is a short blog and doesn't look at T.A in any real depth. Instead it looks at how we may restore emotional harmony through observing and exposing the emotional games in our own relationships.  

You are whole, powerful and creative but who is at the helm?

Navigating your way to harmony Gorgeous Hearts

Transactional Analysis presents that we have three ego states; The Child, The Parent and The Adult. All of these ego states are present in every one of us, and they interchange depending on how we react to different emotional triggers and in different relationships.  

The interesting thing is, we may change the dominating ego state depending on the person or the situation that we are reacting to.  It's a game we all play in our relationships and will depend on the ego state that is manifesting in the person speaking to us or the ego state that has been triggered in us due to a particular situation. I will briefly summarise these three states.....

  • THE CHILD within us can be energetic, playful, spontaneous, free, fun, curious, creative and cute.  Adversely he or she can be stubborn, reactive, prone to tantrums, irresponsible and self-abusive. If someone tells us what to do, we may respond from the child ego state as we responded to our parents when we were children. 
  • THE PARENT within us can be nurturing, caring and responsible, but the critical, judgemental, dogmatic and autocratic person is expressing from the parent ego state.  The parent ego state is often triggered when trying to advise a friend, talking to a member of staff at work or complaining at customer services!
  • THE ADULT is the rational, logical adult self as he or she responds to something in the present moment.  The adult responds to situations with conscious presence, focus and wisdom. When we ask questions rather than advise, when we listen with all of our attention to a friend, when we state fact without attachment to our own perceptions, we are expressing from the adult.

Emotional Harmony - The Whole of You!

T.A. presents that all of these ego states are active and that we will shift between them.  Sometimes we need the creative spontaneity of the child, and sometimes we need the nurture of the parent.  The presence of the adult can bring wisdom and clarity to situations. The question is, who is at the helm?

Emotional harmony isn't about negating certain emotions that feel disharmonious, but rather accepting the full array and allowing them to express in a balanced and beautiful way, like dulcet musical notes. The important thing is to really know yourself, and the best way to know yourself is to observe with absolute honesty by increasing self-awareness. If you observe the way you express, react or respond to all of the people in your life, rather than absorbing the emotions of others and getting lost in  reactions, you may discover some pretty manipulative games. The thing is, many of those games can be quite addictive as we become accustomed to the way these emotions feel in our bodies. We can become addicted to being a victim because perhaps that is how we got love when we were children, or we get a power rush and feel in control as our parent ego comes forth and dominates a situation.  This can easily expose an underlying insecurity and need for recognition. According to Berne, we all display these ego states so judgement and comparison will not help.  What does help is being observant and honest by looking deeper within and allowing your awareness to keep on unfolding before you and revealing the myriad of games that we are attached to that bring disharmony to our lives and disempower us. 

You the Captain

Going back to ego states, restoring emotional harmony means accepting and integrating the positive aspects of each ego state or personality into one whole, unified you.  You cannot disown any of your 'ego states' but you do have a choice regarding how you react to them. 

When you reconnect by bringing your awareness back to you and always within yourself, you will see that there is only one captain.  The crew may seem many, but the way to bring them all together is by re-connecting to the one, whole and harmonious expression that you truly are. You will discover that expression within you. It's called your soul and there is not likely to be a mutiny while the soul is at the helm! Stay connected, present and purposeful.  Appreciate the depths of your whole being and base your self-esteem on that. Patterns of behaviour,  reactions or expectations of how you want others to respond to you and the dynamics of the games we play in those relationships are all about the energy we align to  - but that's for another blog. 

GORGEOUS HEARTS CONNECT & EXPRESS

Connect & Express is a coaching and mentoring programme that supports you to be more self-aware and honest about what is and what is not serving you to flourish. Transformational coaching combines with vocal exercises and body awareness techniques to give a holistic wellness experience that will put you back in the flow of purpose and abundance, however that manifests for you. The programme aims to reduce anxiety and empower you to express authentically and with confidence. Click below and book a call with me. I'll be more than happy to answer your questions and help you with any challenges you may have...