Navigating Your Way to Emotional Harmony

Are some of your relationships driving you up the wall?  Do you get confused with the array of choices and imposing voices? Do emotions get too much when the people in your life know exactly which buttons to press in order to trigger a reaction?  Read on to discover how you can learn to respond and not react.......

Pick up the oars from the water and start navigating your way to emotional harmony!

Navigating your way to emotional harmony looks at the art of  expressing in a balanced way with no particular emotion taking the lead and playing its own solo! Simply it is the art of no reaction and expressing as one whole rather than different ego states taking over for different circumstances. These ego states are highlighted in the theory of Transactional Analysis (T.A ) founded by Eric Berne, a popular therapy since the 1960's.  It exposes the addictions we have to  emotional disharmony that play out as dramas in our relationships and the games we play to get our fix! The consequences of addictions to emotional reactions plays heavy on our physical and mental health .  Even though you may not be familiar with this theory, you might well recognise how it manifests in your own life. I certainly had a few aha moments when I studied this, however,  this is a short blog and doesn't look at T.A in any real depth. Instead it looks at how we may restore emotional harmony through observing and exposing the emotional games in our own relationships.  

You are whole, powerful and creative but who is at the helm?

Navigating your way to harmony Gorgeous Hearts

Transactional Analysis presents that we have three ego states; The Child, The Parent and The Adult. All of these ego states are present in every one of us, and they interchange depending on how we react to different emotional triggers and in different relationships.  

The interesting thing is, we may change the dominating ego state depending on the person or the situation that we are reacting to.  It's a game we all play in our relationships and will depend on the ego state that is manifesting in the person speaking to us or the ego state that has been triggered in us due to a particular situation. I will briefly summarise these three states.....

  • THE CHILD within us can be energetic, playful, spontaneous, free, fun, curious, creative and cute.  Adversely he or she can be stubborn, reactive, prone to tantrums, irresponsible and self-abusive. If someone tells us what to do, we may respond from the child ego state as we responded to our parents when we were children. 
  • THE PARENT within us can be nurturing, caring and responsible, but the critical, judgemental, dogmatic and autocratic person is expressing from the parent ego state.  The parent ego state is often triggered when trying to advise a friend, talking to a member of staff at work or complaining at customer services!
  • THE ADULT is the rational, logical adult self as he or she responds to something in the present moment.  The adult responds to situations with conscious presence, focus and wisdom. When we ask questions rather than advise, when we listen with all of our attention to a friend, when we state fact without attachment to our own perceptions, we are expressing from the adult.

Emotional Harmony - The Whole of You!

T.A. presents that all of these ego states are active and that we will shift between them.  Sometimes we need the creative spontaneity of the child, and sometimes we need the nurture of the parent.  The presence of the adult can bring wisdom and clarity to situations. The question is, who is at the helm?

Emotional harmony isn't about negating certain emotions that feel disharmonious, but rather accepting the full array and allowing them to express in a balanced and beautiful way, like dulcet musical notes. The important thing is to really know yourself, and the best way to know yourself is to observe with absolute honesty by increasing self-awareness. If you observe the way you express, react or respond to all of the people in your life, rather than absorbing the emotions of others and getting lost in  reactions, you may discover some pretty manipulative games. The thing is, many of those games can be quite addictive as we become accustomed to the way these emotions feel in our bodies. We can become addicted to being a victim because perhaps that is how we got love when we were children, or we get a power rush and feel in control as our parent ego comes forth and dominates a situation.  This can easily expose an underlying insecurity and need for recognition. According to Berne, we all display these ego states so judgement and comparison will not help.  What does help is being observant and honest by looking deeper within and allowing your awareness to keep on unfolding before you and revealing the myriad of games that we are attached to that bring disharmony to our lives and disempower us. 

You the Captain

Going back to ego states, restoring emotional harmony means accepting and integrating the positive aspects of each ego state or personality into one whole, unified you.  You cannot disown any of your 'ego states' but you do have a choice regarding how you react to them. 

When you reconnect by bringing your awareness back to you and always within yourself, you will see that there is only one captain.  The crew may seem many, but the way to bring them all together is by re-connecting to the one, whole and harmonious expression that you truly are. You will discover that expression within you. It's called your soul and there is not likely to be a mutiny while the soul is at the helm! Stay connected, present and purposeful.  Appreciate the depths of your whole being and base your self-esteem on that. Patterns of behaviour,  reactions or expectations of how you want others to respond to you and the dynamics of the games we play in those relationships are all about the energy we align to  - but that's for another blog. 


Connect & Express is a coaching and mentoring programme that supports you to be more self-aware and honest about what is and what is not serving you to flourish. Transformational coaching combines with vocal exercises and body awareness techniques to give a holistic wellness experience that will put you back in the flow of purpose and abundance, however that manifests for you. The programme aims to reduce anxiety and empower you to express authentically and with confidence. Click below and book a call with me. I'll be more than happy to answer your questions and help you with any challenges you may have...


About the Author

Comments are closed